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  • Jenny

Holy Rage

One of the many many emotions coming up for me these days is rage. Deep deep rage and anger. Anger from frustration, anger from grief, anger from helplessness…. It’s hard to really say what specifically I’m angry about - there’s so much to be angry about in our current times, and past times too. I don’t feel I need to name the source of the anger, I just feel the need to push it out of my body and free myself from it. To clear my channel.

After an incident at home that involved me throwing a couple crystals against a stone fireplace (don’t worry, I was alone and no one was hurt, including the crystals or the fireplace :), I decided that I needed a more productive outlet for my anger. And a spot to release it in private. There is so much stigma around anger - you may even be uncomfortable or worried about me talking about this anger I have… but I would argue if you aren’t angry these days, then you are maybe missing something. And by seeing the anger, engaging with the anger, embracing the anger, I am able to move it out, so no need to worry. We are taught to push it down, to bite our tongues, to swallow our feelings. We need to take a cue from the animal kingdom or from little kids and physically shake off that scary incident or throw a temper tantrum. But since I’m an adult, I can’t throw myself down on the floor in the middle of a crowded store (shit, I can’t even go into a crowded store these days!), but I can throw myself down on the rug in the middle of my room with the door closed and kick my feet. I can pound my fists on my bed or punch the air. I can yell and scream into a pillow. But during these wild times, I found I needed to take it a step further and break something.

Lucky for me, my house came with boxes and boxes and boxes of extra dishes and glasses. I was saving them for the yurts - but who knows when those are coming. And I reason that the plates are so old that the paint on them must be toxic, and there are only so many soft-boiled egg cups a vegan needs. So I hauled them out to a private spot out past the pond and set them on a rock. I sat in the space and had a little talk with Mother Nature. I asked that she receive this anger and transmute it back into something positive. She agreed. The trees and the rocks and the branches and the leaves and the moss and the dirt - they all agreed to receive this anger from me. We created a sacred space for this anger. So now when I’m feeling it bubble up inside me - when I clench my jaw, when I catch myself snapping at the dogs, when I feel tears welling up for no reason - I take a little walk out back through the mangled grapevine archway to the spot I call ‘Holy Rage.’ I smash some glass. I yell. I scream. I cry. I stomp my feet. Whatever I feel, I let it out however it wants to come out. And then I thank sweet Mama Earth, take a few deep breaths and walk back into life - feeling lighter and freer, and oh so grateful.

My hope is that one day you will visit this space and if you have anything you need to release, I have some dishes you can break. And when all is said and done, I will go out there and collect the shards of glass and pieces of porcelain and fashion them into something even more beautiful than the rage. Although the rage itself truly is something beautiful to behold.

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